Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i barfeds in our rink
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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