The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
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I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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