Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize