This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
