He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
