Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
