What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He felt like a one man threesome
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
