I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
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Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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