I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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