WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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