Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
