The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
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I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
There are leaves in my underwear?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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