What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
