Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
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drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
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your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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