Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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