so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
