The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
