I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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