When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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