I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
