Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
