Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
