Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
