We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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