i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
should my penis look like a turkey
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
