I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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