my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
