if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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