is your mom at the bar?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
