Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
