Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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