i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
