I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
