I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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