threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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