I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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