Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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