We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
