Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
