I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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