I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
