I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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