Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
