and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
