well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Two words: blizzard sex
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
