Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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