the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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