I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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