I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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