I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
