Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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