someone threw a dead crab at me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
