come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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