He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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