Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
