You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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