Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
