If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
