didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
