Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
