he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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